Just the tip

Hello again. Less than a week into the new blog, and I must admit I’m having fun.

I wonder when this will start to feel like work…

Whatever. Whilst I have another bite of fiction to post soon enough (after it’s been polished – maybe Monday?), I thought I might use this post to answer a question from a follower ‘Wild Naiada’.

Ok, firstly – eep! A follower! One of thirteen. God the pressure! I find myself hoping that some of them are spambots. Spambots have low expectations, and they’re always so friendly.

Anyway, Naiada’s question was simple – did I have any favourite books about writing? Given I was looking for an idea, I thought I would answer this fully in a post.

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Speaking softly

“Oh but they will,” I say as the pictures start to upload, “they already believe, or at least they want to.”

“Balderdash.” Teddy’s moustache quivers as his fangs begin to descend. By his irritated tone and aggressive stance, I would have said I’d hit a nerve, if any of the twenty-sixth President’s original nervous system remained responsible for his continued animation. As it stands, I can only say that he is pissed. Continue reading

All the way down

“You promised me we’d see the dinosaur!” Michael whined. “This is a just a stupid turtle. I hate stupid turtles!”

The boy’s mother gestured helplessly at the imposing Archelon fossil. “But look honey, look how big it is.” The Giant Sea Turtle fossil was indeed large, towering over Michael and his mother, nearly twice the size of a full grown man. He remained unimpressed.

“I don’t care that its big, it’s stupid and I hate it. This trip is stupid and you’re stupid.” Michael despised his mother. He hated her weakness, he hated her fatness, he hated her stupidity. Why couldn’t he have a better mother?

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I choose you…

The following is a short paragraph of fiction, a response to a creative writing challenge from Jacopo della Quercia, a writer for Cracked and author of The Pocket Watch Conspiracy. I like Jacopo’s challenge tweets (using the #PopQuizHotShot hashtag), as they are interesting, frequently involve a visual element (which I find helps drive inspiration), and don’t demand a lengthy response (most people respond within the 140 character twitter limit). This means I can start, get them done during my lunch break and fire the finished ‘bite’ off on twitter within the hour.

This is one I responded to on the 24th of August.

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The horror of the blank (web)page

Here we are.

My first blog entry.

I’m actually taken aback by how much writing this post this is like my first sexual experience. Well, rather I should say the first time having sex with another person; exciting, nerve-wracking and slightly terrifying in its intensity. If it were like my actual first sexual experience it would be somewhat different; brief, involve a Target underwear catalogue and the subsequent shameful disposal of a dirty sock.

Given my sincere doubts that many visitors will come here to be regaled with stories from my early bedroom adventures, I think I should start with the fundamentals: Continue reading