Oskar switched off the sander, it slowed with a whine as he finished. He smiled, loving the smell of sawdust; loving the sense of control he gets taking redwood and shaping it to his desires.
This was another memories board, designed to hang and display his keepsakes. Trinkets from places he meets his ladies, his conquests. He wondered if it was crass to memorialise his holiday lovers this way, but whilst their time together was short, he never wanted to forget them.
Sirens cried in the distance; police on route to Tourist Beach. Oskar smiled; they weren’t heading this way.(word count: 100)
A Friday Fictioneers challenge from Rochelle’s blog.
I’m currently doing a little research on writing horror, with the plan to write a blog post on it (maybe more than one). So, in honour of Halloween, I had the urge to take a slightly creepier approach this time. There is no violence or gore, but I was hoping to achieve at least a little ‘chill’, an implication of something being ‘not right’.
Let me know what you think in the comments – was this creepy? Did you get a sense of menace?
Thanks for reading.
Yes, very menacing. He has just the right degree of creepiness.
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Cool 🙂 thanks for reading!
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I like how his relationship with woodworking gives us the first hint of his relationship with his victims.
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Thanks – I added the control and desire part at the end of the writing process. I’m glad it came across!
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MMmmm! What memories does he keep? To be continued . . . .
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A serial with a collection of mementos.. sooner or later he will get caught…
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I like this one, possibly more than the one with Uncle Walt.
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Two recent ones… Maybe I’m improving 🙂
Thanks 🙂
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Hmm trophies. Chilling.
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It was rather sweet…until the end. 🙂 Sounds like the killer in These Lovely Bones, with his little keepsakes.
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Awesome 🙂 – I haven’t actually read the Lovely Bones yet, it is on my to be read (TBR) list.
Cheers
KT
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I love the way his only concern was that his method of memorialising might be crass – well told, the story unfolds perfectly
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Cheers and thanks for reading 🙂
KT
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Dear WB,
I love the foreshadowing you did in writing about the sense of control he gets in shaping the redwood to his desire. Very smooth story with a nice twist from sweet to suddenly macabre.
Aloha,
Doug
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Thanks Doug, Im glad that came across. Im pretty happy with this one!
Cheers
KT (WildBilbo)
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Dear KT,
With precision and subtlety you led me into Oskar the Ripper’s lair. Well done.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Thanks for reading Rochelle!
KT
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Wow! Most men might keep a little black book, but Oskar has taken it to a new level. I thought this was going to be a sweet story until I reached “his conquests” and it turned dark. It has a menacing undertone, subtly creepy. I enjoy a good creepy story. 🙂
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Awesome – thanks for reading 🙂
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I agree with the earlier comments. You set up your scene really cleverly so that the ending casts everything in a new light. He’s quite endearing, until we get the full story.
Marg
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Cool – I love to include a twist, but I think you need to sow the seeds earlier in the piece for a twist to have a real impact. Thanks for reading!
KT
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Creepy place to go with such a bright photo. Interestingly, the woodwork in this photo initially brought to mind a bloody murder of some sort for me. I suppose it’s the saw that, although not present in the photo, must clearly be nearby.
Cheers!
MG
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Elegant and subtle. Like this one a lot.
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Definitely creepy…wonder if my “Angela” with her gift would size him out…
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I think he might initially view Angela as a conquest… which might not work out well for him :).
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I agree with the others here… That first subtly creepy feeling comes with his shaping the wood to his desires…. And it just gets creepier by the sentence from that point. And then that (smug) smile at the end …. Shudder! Well done —
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Thanks 🙂 I’m really happy with how this one’s been received.
Cheers
KT
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Gasp! Oh man, and here I thought he was just your regular, everyday creep and he goes and turns out to be a serial killer. Yikes!
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Clever. You’ve portrayed so well how a serial killer rationalises his evil as something creative. On a plus side, their penchant for trophies is often the thing that gets them captured in the end.
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Oh my he seemed so sweet and innocent until that last line.
Good job!
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Cheers, and thanks for reading!
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Morbid hobby. Great story…
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That a pretty grim tale you have unleashed on us. Nicely told
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I think you achieved exactly what you were trying to. The economy works beautifully.
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Thanks for reading, and thanks for the comment. 🙂
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He’s definitely a creepy serial killer. Well done!
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Hmm so far I only see the vaguest of circumstantial evidence and rumour – Oskar, the weird little DIY-er, walks free…
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Pretty darn good in 100 words, I’d say! To be honest, the photo itself threw me off from feeling palpable creepiness, but that wasn’t your doing. I’m going tobe a bit nit-picky in the spirit of both of us continuing to learn and offer that maybe to make his relationship to the wood and hence his victims more direct, perhaps change some of the words, example: instead of ‘loving the sense of control he gets’, try just ‘the control he gets’. And ‘memorialize’ kinda repeats ‘memories board’ (which may have been your intent) What about using commemorate? Also evokes a trophy-esque connotation, which is what law enforcement calls those little items serial killers keep.
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I’m very happy to get these sort of comments – polite, constructive criticism 🙂 – exactly why I’m doing this.
Good suggestions – plus saving a few words, which is always a bonus. I’ll take these on board.
Thanks again for reading and commenting!
KT
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A great take on the prompt WB~Creepy story-telling ~ Well done 🙂
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