He stared up at the churning surface of the water, watching the man’s distorted shadow.
Limbs flailed, stirring water to chop, stirring mud into murk. Beetles burrowed into him, eating flesh, and he screamed soundlessly in his watery prison. He lay, waiting for his freedom.
Waited with shadows of old glories. A deathless murderer, he had been feared. Bloody battles, warriors gutted… slaughters, now lost in centuries. Forgotten, like him.
A heavy Templar Cross, tarnished silver, pinning him to the muck for centuries, lurched heavily and started… to… give…
Maybe he would be freed.
One more slaughter…
This is my second entry to Rochelle Wisoff-Fields Friday Fictioneers 100 word challenge – Part Two that follows Part One. This week I had written two 100 word stories, from different perspectives. I really hope that posting two entries isn’t breaking any rules!
Today I posted the Second Perspective – another set of eyes staring at the surface of the water, only this time from the bottom of the lake. This one is a return to my current horror focus – I’d be interested hearing your thoughts now that you have read the second. Does this story stand on its own? Did the first? How does it read as a ‘single piece’ now you can see both perspectives?
In my opinion, reading the first story on its own focuses your attention on the fisherman, his thoughts and behaviours, his ‘need to battle, to win’. Once you read the second story, I feel the focus shifts to the action – the snagged fishing line – which threatens to release the beast. Do you agree?
This was also a trial of a ‘mirror-structure’ – by using the same basic structure and even repeating almost whole sentences, I hoped to tie these two characters together closely, basically to bind them in this pivotal moment… again, does it work? Does the repetition get dull?
Again, thanks for indulging me in this experiment, and I look forward to your comments.
I also recommend you click on the blue frog to read the other stories too 🙂