La petite mort en soie

He shudders under the potency of her touch; flesh responding involuntarily, rebelliously. His heart quickens at each tender, feather-light caress brushing against his side. Breath becomes shallow and urgent as he is enveloped; gasping, panting as she controls him utterly. Her intoxicating kiss robs him of strength, silken bonds as restraining steel shackles.

He is at her mercy, but she is merciless. She explores his body, touching and tasting him as she is lost in the moment. Kisses graduate in step with her passion, soft tickling, to nibbling, on to painful biting. Each sensation building, escalating to climax…

She penetrates.


(100 words)

‘La petite mort en soie’ – or ‘The little death in silk’

Or at least that’s what Google translate tells me – if this is wrong, let me know, I can change it.

A Friday Fictioneer’s challenge set by Rochelle – write a 100 word story based on the photo prompt (which I thought was particularly cool this week – nice work Doug). This link will take you to the other stories, and I encourage you to check them out. Actually, I encourage you to give the Fictioneer’s a try – it’s a very positive community to help develop writing skills.

And developing writing skills was the whole point of my post today. I have been meaning to try my hand at an ‘erotic’ story, but I’ll admit I have shied away so far. Erotic fiction can be truly, truly awful, even when it’s done by professional writers. I don’t know how many times I have been shunted out of the enjoyment of a book by a disappointingly written sex scene. ‘Throbbing members’, ‘turgid appendage’ or ‘moist orifices’ make great band names, but can be tiresome and banal tropes when used in writing.

Heh, I think that using those words might generate some unusual Google traffic…

So the short tale above is my practice, my ‘Fifty Shades of Spider’ if you will. I tried for (as I often do) a dual meaning – a story that could be a sensual dominatrix session or a quite literal discussion of a spider eating a cockroach. ‘Sex as a form violence’ is a frequently used cliché in writing erotica, so I attempted to get a little more original by working a reversal of the traditional gender roles – the woman in control, the man as the penetrated. Given the sexual habits of spiders, this was an easy association to make.

Please feel free to let me know any criticisms in the comments. Does this story work? Does it read well, or was it painfully trite? Did I get the dual meanings across? This was practice, so I have no problems hearing where improvement can occur.

But be gentle… it’s my first time.

KT

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44 thoughts on “La petite mort en soie

  1. I think I had a problem getting on board with this because of the spider – I couldn’t enjoy the moment because of the spider metaphor. But nicely written, and if I couldn’t handle it … it’s not you, it’s me. 🙂 Full marks for trying, I agree with every word you said in the epilogue.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Dear KT,

    I think I need to take a cold shower before going on. I might never see a spider quite the same way. Nah…the next time I see one I’ll still squash it.

    Stellar writing. You’ve taken spider erotica to a new level.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Dear KT,

    I thought your story, from title to conclusion, was masterful in conception and execution. The spider central to your theme did not bother me. I was immediately lost in the web of your words and carried along by the story. The Little Death in Silk was perfect for the prompt and for life. Well woven.

    Aloha,

    Doug

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Doug you are very kind 🙂
      Thanks – I was pretty happy with the title, Im just hoping that Google Translate hasnt let me down. There has been a downside – my wife hates spiders & roaches & has started to ‘look askance’ at me now…

      🙂
      Thanks for reading!
      KT

      Like

  4. KT,
    That was hot, hot, HOT!!! As I read, the snow falling out my window turned into a steamy, subtropical rainstorm. 🙂

    I think you nailed the genre here. You made a decision to add a lot of detail, which doesn’t always work with flash fiction, but you pair that choice with the choice to show only a limited snapshot. Since that snapshot involves a moment of intense feeling, emotion and action, it works. To finish the piece, you add a succinct ending. The reader knows what happened. While the quality of the piece leaves us wanting more, it doesn’t leave us unfulfilled. Kudos!

    All my best,
    Marie Gail

    Liked by 1 person

  5. A stunning erotic vision, in stark contrast to the hideous image, and yet fitting it perfectly. Amazing!
    Thank you for visiting me at peppersfetch.blogspot.com 🙂

    Like

    1. Hi David – my wife said very much the same thing. Once the picture was seen, she only saw the insect murder.

      I might show this to someone without the picture:)

      Thanks for the comment & for reading!
      Cheers KT

      Like

    1. Thanks Bjorn, I appreciate the comment – I also appreciate the Friday Fictioneer’s community being so supportive of experimentation! When I was writing this, with only 100 words, I found I really needed every word to work together to support the double meaning, so whilst I got the idea quickly, the writing took about three times as long as normal!

      Cheers
      KT

      Like

  6. A beautiful play on words, KT. I agree with Doug, it was masterful.
    I have always shied away from writing erotica too. Several of my writer friends have sex scenes in their books and tell me how “hot” the scenes are. If I ever attempt it, I’ll probably take the “worst sex ever” angle and use terms like bumbling, awkward, and unfulfilled. Either that or premature orgasm. HA!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Russell, very kind. And i know what you mean – when the rule is “write what you know”, I wondered if it ‘wuld jest b dun pourly’ or worse, end unfortunately and abruptl

      Like

  7. Flash fiction is a good way to hone your writing skills, and a great opportunity to try out new approaches and styles. It was good to read your commentary about how you approached this. You’ve succeeded in this one. Superbly done.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Margaret – I appreciate the kind words! You’re right – Flash Fiction is a great place to practice, and Friday Fictioneer’s is an excellent community of engaged readers and writers. I’m thrilled I stumbled on the #FF crowd this early in my blogging/writing practice.

      Cheers
      KT

      Like

  8. I thought this was well done. The only phrase I got hung up on a little was “She penetrates,” but I think that’s because it’s so blatantly erotic compared to the poetry of the rest. I’m not sure how – or even if – I’d change that, though, as it sort of brings everything to a… oh, grief, I can’t think of anything that doesn’t sound like a bad pun… Anyhow, good work. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ah yes, the crucial last sentence… 🙂

      I agree witn you – i struggled to bring this story to a suitable climax, and it finishes abruptly. I decided to go with it as it conveyed the violence of the finish, but with 30 more words i couldve been more consistently subtle.

      Thanks for the comment – i appreciate your thoughts 🙂

      Cheers
      KT

      Like

  9. KT, Great metaphorical description. I have to admit, I couldn’t tell if it was really a spider or a human woman acting like a spider. If it’s a human woman, I hope she isn’t really into eating people. Well written. — Suzanne

    Liked by 1 person

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