
“Grandfather,” asked the dead boy, “why do those sad people stand at the water’s edge and wail?”
“These people were bad; they were selfish and did not earn enough karma to pay the passage to the other side.”
“Grandfather,” asked the dead boy, “why do those happy people get onto boats so grand?”
“Those people were good; they gave more than they took, and earned enough karma to pay for a comfortable trip to the other side.”
“Grandfather,” asked the dead boy, “why is our boat so humble?”
“We are Hindu, grandson. We save some karma for the return fare.”
(Word count 100)
Another Friday Fictioneers’ 100 word challenge from Rochelle’s Addicted to Purple Blog (click here to read all the stories). A bit of a departure from my normal style (or so I think anyway), so I’m very interested in any comments you may have. This one came to me very quickly – 15 minutes of writing, with minimal edits – but as I saw the photo prompt last night, immediately before going to bed, I wonder if I mentally wrote it while sleeping.
Sleep-writing would be pretty cool, although I’d love to get into some ‘sleep-exercising’.
Cheers
KT
Wonderful last line! A bit like Goldilocks the last scenario is just right.
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Thanks Alicia 🙂
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Fantastic! That last line made me grin from ear to ear.
Chris
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Awesome 🙂 thanks for reading!
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That is just so clever! 🙂 Well done. I look forward to reading your offering each week and I certainly wasn’t disappointed this week.
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Thanks for the very kind words Sandra – I’m glad you liked it!
Cheers
KT
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Dear KT,
You didn’t disappoint, my friend. Back and forth over the river for hundreds of thousands of trips. No wonder their vessel is worn. Well written.
Aloha,
Doug
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Thanks Doug, I’m really glad you liked it. The image just cried out ‘Charon the Ferryman on the River Styx’ when I saw it the first time, but I couldn’t find a good ‘hook’ to go with it. When I woke up in the morning, this reincarnation tale (minus the ferryman) seemed to be sitting in its place, fully formed!
Cheers
KT
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Dear KT,
I think I told you before that you’ve become one of the writers I look forward to reading every week. (It wasn’t my intent to echo Sandra, but I see that I did 😉 Nonetheless my comment stands. ) This story is an example of your fantastic imagination and skill. Well done.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Thanks Rochelle – this sort of comment (from you and Sandra and the other lovely commentators) means a lot to me. I get a lot from these #FF challenges – feedback on my own stories is great, there is a lot of skills to be had from reading the stories of others (for example, I KNOW that my dialogue has gotten better from reading other peoples 100 word pieces).
Till next week 🙂
Cheers
KT
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Excellent. Another favorite for me this week. Remind me to save some karma.
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Thanks Caerlynn, I’m glad you liked it 🙂
KT
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a pleasant end to this and a lesson as well
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Thanks Patricia 🙂
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KT, That last line has been mentioned already, but it completes your story perfectly. What a lovely thought!
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Thanks Lynda, most flash fiction is all about how you finish, and the last line can make or break your whole 100 words. I am very pleased with how this one worked out.
Cheers
KT
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This really had a kind of effortless flow to it, KT! I can see that it might have come to you quickly. You are so lucky. I’d like some of that sleep exercising as well. How do you that? Do you know? Anyway, really great work! The end is lasting and stays with me.
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Very clever and beautifully written. I can see the curious look in the boy’s eyes and the patience of the grandfather as he explains everything.
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Excellent piece, KT (as usual). I’m a big believer in karma.
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Oh that’s good. A lovely morality tale, and lesson for others to take note of. Great read.
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First of all I like the tone a lot.. you pull us in with the dead boy and his grand-pa, and then you follow up with a wisdom that also make me smile.. a very good tale.
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What a great read! Loved it! (I would also love the sleep-exercise!)
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KT, I LOVE this one! Definitely one of my favorites, this week and of yours all together. Well paced, beautifully written, and just lovely to read! A really strong story, and great response to this prompt!
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Very nice – the pace, the character dynamics, the mood, the punch at the end – a satisfying read.
Cheers
Marg
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Intriguing–I like the feel of this one.
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Dear KT, I do think there is Karma around and it has an effect on our lives. Good and wise story! Nan 🙂
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Thanks Nan 🙂
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I love the notion of Karma and what a wonderful story! Enjoyed very much.
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Well done, K.T,, This actually sounds like Hindu wisdom. Very creative. 🙂 — Suzanne
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I like the idea of spending karma wisely and remaining humble. Just a thought – could you have softened the language of good and bad to incorporate more of the Hindu philosophy of improving oneself in the next life? The good and bad contrast felt too final to me, or maybe that was the point. Thanks for making me think. Tracey
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Hi Tracy – that’s a really good idea. It would have strengthened the expression of the purpose of reincarnation. Thanks for the considered comment!
KT
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Nice. I love the eloquent simplicity of the exchange. Very poetic effort.
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I concur with Rochelle, your imagination is remarkable. This was really deep without a hint of pretentiousness
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Thanks mate – this one seems to be one of my most popular posts, and really stems from me trying to stretch away from the less original ‘reaper and the river styx’ story I came up with first. taking some inspiration from a different culture here helped.
KT
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