Back in five

Suzanne pinched the bridge of her nose as she entered the door code, but a drop of blood still managed to escape her grip to float away, a brilliant red sphere hanging impossibly, stark against the surgically white walls. The pressure in her head had built for weeks, accompanied by a constant buzzing confusion; these recently joined by a wailing klaxon and tinny worried voices in her ears.

“Lieutenant Smith… are you in Sector 3? Please respond LT I’m getting a door breach alarm in that area and you’re showing as unsuited, can you respond please?”

For god’s sake leave me alone, she though as she hit the final override button and the improbable floating red ball started towards the door, escaping with Suzanne and rest of the colony’s air; I’m just stepping out for five minutes.

Five Sentence Fiction is about packing a powerful punch in a tiny fist. Each week I will post a one word inspiration, then anyone wishing to participate will write a five sentence story based on the prompt word.

This week’s word: OPEN

More flash fiction guys, and another entry for Lillie McFerrin’s Five Sentence Fiction. I’m pretty happy with this one, but let me know what you think in the comments. 🙂






7 thoughts on “Back in five

  1. I think I got the gist, and I think I liked it (especially the part about the confusing ailments).

    But the last part had me confused. Did she eject herself and all of the air? Is Suzanne alive? Did she kill everyone else? What is she escaping? The confines of her workplace? Is the manual override an airlock or something?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ah, for one more sentence! Or perhaps better use of the 5 I had 🙂

      My intent was for Lt Suzanne to be suffering an unknown head ailment – brain tumour perhaps – and in her confused state she decides to exit her space colony via a door, much to her own and the colony’s detriment.

      So short answer – she’s delusional & inadvertently kills everyone.

      I was somewhat inspired by this unwise individual:

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Ever think of putting together a book of short vignettes or stories with a sci fi flare? I really liked this. I’m not sure why, but it put me in mind of Bradbury’s ‘Martian Chronicles.’ And that makes me remember how much I enjoyed them… and why I need to revisit them. Good job!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Kate, You know how to make a blogger smile – I’m very glad you liked it!

      I’ll admit the idea of a book of short stories etc is very appealing, but at this stage I figure I am still practicing, still finding my feet and my voice in writing. My plan (such as it is) is to keep up the flash fiction pieces on the blog (great for feedback etc) and at the same time try to write some short stories for publication in journals. I have one in first draft and ideas for a few others. I’ll move to editing second draft very soon and then try submitting it (see how it goes). This one is a horror story – so I need to find the right place to submit.

      Once I have a few published stories under my belt, I figure I’ll wait for the rights to revert, then self publish a collection with some new material and short fiction or vingnettes interspersed. This will be a long game (years?) but I’m looking forward to it :).


      Liked by 2 people

  3. Very clever how you introduced the floating blood droplet and carried that through. Suzanne going off the rails/ not being able to cope, her sense of confusion, and oblivion being the only way out, come across really well.

    Liked by 2 people

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s