“Of course you’ll want the rose quartz too, amazing for emotional fortitude in difficult times.”
Simon sat, swinging his feet, kicking a stand with stinking candles as his mother struggled to lift the small plastic bag filled with rocks.
“Simon! Stop it! I’m sorry sir, of course I’ll take it. What’s this one?”
“You have a good eye ma’am. This is a citrine or yellow quartz…”
Simon rolled his eyesΒ and resumed kicking. He hated this place and its empty promises.
He hated the stink of ‘chemical-free’ candles.
He hated the stink of his sick mother’s desperation.
Howdy – time for another 100 word piece for this week’s Friday Fictioneers (thinking about it, I never do these on a Friday. Hmmm..). Anyway, thanks again Rochelle. Click here to read the rest of the stories.
Let me know what you think.
KT
Reminds me a bit about my childhood (had a family member who was deep into the new age/crystals movement.) Glad she moved on.
Great story. π
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Thanks Miles π
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I can empathise. I love candles, but loathe scented candles.
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Uh, they are terrible. Incense is even worse. Thanks for reading π
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That’s such a strong story. I was just talking about this with my husband, about what lengths people will go to, and what they’ll believe in when they’re desperate. You got right to the heart of that.
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Thanks Claire, I thought long and hard about what I wanted to say in this story – I’m a big opponent of pseudoscience, and ‘alternative medicines’ frustrate me greatly. Desperation makes people easy targets, and the unscrupulous will always take advantage.
Thanks for reading
KT
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Poor Simon, I love how you depict his age so well, along with his frustration and distrust about his mother’s candles. Great stuff
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Thanks – needless to say I drew on my own experiences of frustration of following my mum around shopping (although she’s never been into crystals or other stuff like that). Actually, I think I’m still like that now (thankfully my wife prefers to shop alone!).
Cheers
KT
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Oh, so much said in 100 words. The child and mother are both desperate, me thinks.
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Thanks Alicia, I’m happy with how this one worked out. π
Cheers
KT
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Oh, very powerful. You wrote this so well, I love it.
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Thanks so much LorΓ©, I appreciate the kind words π
KT
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Very economical. Two thoughts: Could you do away with “plastic”? At first it seemed superfluous, but now that I think about it, “plastic” fits with Simon’s perception of the store, eh?
Also: “He hated this place and its empty promises.” Is there perhaps a way to suggest that without stating it?
Not trying to be critical! Just trying to look at it from another angle. π
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Please be critical! I love suggestions (although I rarely change things once they are posted, simply because I may never stop editing!). I think you are right on both fronts – the plastic is superfluous & should be removed, and that ‘place and empty promises’ is a bit overt – it hits the reader over the head with the theme-bludgeon. But your suggestion that plastic represents the place is a good one…
Perhaps that line should be along the lines “He hated this place, with its fake plastic dream-catchers cashing in on fake, plastic, dreams.”
I like this line, although it needs some workshopping.
Cheers mate
KT
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Nothing is more sad than desperation falling to the lure of quacks (at least that is what I read in this)
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Hi Bjorn, thanks for reading – You got it, the quack selling false hope is a personal bugbear of mine.
Cheers
KT
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I feel for Simon, but nothing stinks as badly as no hope at all.
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Hi Kimberly – excellent point, and one that’s tough to get across in 100 words! I would hate to be seen as ‘anti-hope’! For example, prayer (to whatever god you believe in) gives some people hope but (normally) doesn’t cash in on it.
I am however anti-quackery, and anti-pseudoscience. If your solution or product relies on faith, belief, or magic then don’t dress it in scientific clothes. And if your business model is based on targeting the sick, the desperate, the vulnerable, then I have little tolerance for your product.
Thanks for reading, and thanks for commenting.
KT
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KT–I like the POV here. Poor Simon. I hope his mother finally comes out of this funk long enough to pay attention to him before it’s too late.
All my best,
Marie Gail
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Thanks Marie – Me too π
Cheers
KT
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I could see Simon and his mom clearly just from the way you used your 100 words. Although it’s not a funny story, I did laugh at the first part, remembering a time when I was waiting to buy a piece of jewelry for one of our daughters and the woman in the story was explaining to another woman how a particular stone was a good buy because it “empowered women.”
janet
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Haha, thanks Janet. I’m glad you laughed – I thought the bit with bored Simon at the start was funny too π
Cheers
KT
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Dear KT,
As has already been said, I hope the mother realizes what she’s doing to her son before it’s too late. Having gone through a lot of emotional turmoil, treatment and eating disorders when my kids were young, I regret the scars it left on them. (I’ve apologized to each of them and received forgiveness, but that’s another story).
At any rate, your story’s powerful.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Thanks for the kid words Rochelle
Ah, the things we do to our children – I’m petrified that everything I do is the wrong thing, and that they are picking up my every bad mood, my every bad habit… I know that I’m becoming more like my dad every day (not a terrible thing by any means!), so I hope my influences are mostly for the good.
I can only hope that whatever I end up doing, they forgive me too.
Cheers
KT
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How many times do the innocence eyes and actions of a child have more answers than all the ‘wisdom of ages’. Great contrasting characters in so few words.
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This is a great story, KT, with a great reveal ending. I had to go back and read it again after that. Well done!
-David
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awesome, thanks mate π
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Dear Wildbilbo, I like your story and I hate scented candles too – they can set me into an asthma attack as some perfumes can too. Your story is clever! Nan π
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Thanks Nan π
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Great writing. You’ve packed a lot into those one hundred words. I hope Simon grows up to become a doctor…
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This is great, I feel for poor Simon and pity his mum. I dislike pseudo-science, too, but am usually open for anything while asking myself: who profits from it. And all these fads, and miracle cures: crooks to deal with (cruel, wonderful, frightening) life.
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children rarely perceive the realities of a situation. Nicely written
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Rocks and crystals have the power to do wondrous things, or so I’m told. I like to go to a crystal/rock store in town here, actually, because they have way cool stuff. I can see how this would seem desperate if taken really seriously. I just like to pick them up! Nice writing and strong story, KT.
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Well, I gotta agree that they ARE very pretty π
Thanks for the kind words and for reading Amy.
KT
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Kids never really understand what their parents are thinking. They can only interpret through their own lens. Perhaps his mother wasn’t desperate at all.
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I like the point of view you’ve taken here. We can imagine so much about what’s happening in the moths er’lfe through just these few observations and res
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Oh my — my keyboard’s having conniptions and I accidentally posted the previous mess. Please feel free to delete it. I do like your point of view, and the story’s very powerful – the tragedy of desperation and the measures we sometimes take to give ourselves a little hope.
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An interesting perspective. There’s a lot going on in this 100 words.
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Nicely told! A sad story with some real power in it. I agree with the comment from Dawn–the perspective is key!
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Wow, we did take similar paths with the prompt this week. Maybe the search and desperation is much more common than I originally thought!
Great story! I like the child’s POV, it really emphasizes the uselessness of it.
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Very realistic story, K.T. Children often get bored when they have to be present at adult activities. Good description and well done. π — Suzanne
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Thanks Suzanne π
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