On silent haunches

The mood ambushed me, a grey blanket of oppression. They were like that, these sneaky moods, lurking, waiting for me to forget myself. Then fog descends, sapping joy, muting sounds, washing out colours. The fog’s just the beginning, a prelude to real darkness. Video games and a couple of beers, (Nine? Ten?), keeping the darkness back. For a while. I rubbed aching eyes, my inattention causing another on-screen death, video game sprite screaming, dragged to grisly doom. YOU HAVE DIED, the game declares. Dozens of aluminium cans taunt me. I drop the beer in my hand. Not yet, I decide.


Word count: 100 My response to the Friday Fictioneer prompt from Rochelle’s Addicted to Purple blog. Click here for the other stories.

Fog The fog comes on little cat feet.   It sits looking over harbor and city on silent haunches and then moves on. By Carl Sandburg 1878–1967

A bit of a bleak one this week, and (unfortunately) another bit of personal history too. I struggled with a bought of depression back in the early 2000’s – not a fun time; anxiety, insomnia, imposter syndrome, general sadness. No-one really knew because I lived on my own and was pretty good at faking a sunny disposition. But at home alone I was a miserable sod who couldn’t sleep. Before I sought medical advice I spent a period of time ‘self medicating’ – meaning drinking too much beer, and far too often. This was often coupled with playing the PlayStation, because I guess you need to do something when you are drinking. Anyway, the fog in this picture sort of reminded me of this time, as unpleasant as it was. FYI – I don’t think I had any profound moment attached to the video games such as described, but I thought it was a good ending anyway. 🙂 This of course was a long time ago – more than a decade – and I sought advice, medication, and (most importantly for me) control over those aspects of my life I felt were outside of control. These days I’m happier than I’ve ever been, and its mostly thanks to these three.

The Family

The Family

I seem to be sharing an awful lot at the moment! Just one more thing, I promise. A quick thank you to my followers in general, and specifically the Friday Fictioneers who both read last week’s post, and responded with such lovely thoughts and messages. It was greatly appreciated. I’m glad to confirm that I am back on board with my usual blogging schedule, and will make the effort to read many more of your stories this week! Cheers & thanks KT

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48 thoughts on “On silent haunches

  1. Dear K.T.

    I’m so glad that you came through that bleak time and have blessed us with your wonderful writing.

    I was once nailed by my therapist as a “smiling depressive.” I was quite adept at putting on the mask of humor, all too common among comedians.

    You have a beautiful family. Thank you for sharing that picture as well.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Doug – I’m blushing:)
      I learn something new every week from FF, whether its history, new themes & ideas, or interesting ways of developing character. I hope people find my stuff occasionally useful too.
      Cheers
      KT

      Like

    1. Cheers Helena – thanks. Everyone experiences it differently; fog is simply how I started to envisage its effects.
      Which is odd, because real fog is delightful 🙂
      Thanks for reading
      KT

      Like

    1. Thanks Bjorn – it took a while to realise I was self medicating, and it didn’t help having a binge drinking culture at my work (Friday drinks were a swim through) – it normalises it to some extent.

      Family, friends and professionals are the way to get better.

      Cheers KT

      Like

  2. They were like that, these sneaky moods! A wonderful line. I’m glad you found your way out and are able to write about it so poignantly. Thanks for sharing your story and the picture of the beauties in your life.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Its interesting to post about these issues – the number of people that have also experienced it at some time. It’s so terribly common… So thanks, I’m glad to get out, and I’m even more glad to show of my gorgeous family.
      Thanks for reading.
      KT

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    1. Thanks – I found the poem when googling ‘Fog’ (I originally didn’t want to post the depression story, but it just seemed better than anything else I could come up with). that ‘fog sneaking like a cat’ seemed very apt.
      Cheers
      KT

      Like

  3. I have a similar background and I know those “times” are not easy but we are stronger for getting through them. You have a beautiful family. You are very blessed. Thank you for sharing this with us. Like Dawn, 2 thumbs up.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I’m always happy to see a happy ending when it comes to a story about depression, and especially when the story is a true one.

    Your story is also a good one, which can be particularly difficult when the writer is this closely bound to the story. Nice work, KT.

    All my best,
    Marie Gail

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks 🙂

      I like to think it’s in the past, but I’m still pretty vigilant about moods and particularly lack of sleep. Whenever I have random patches of insomnia, I make sure I take some time out, some leave time from work to stop and focus on me. Happens pretty rarely now, which is awesome.

      Cheers
      KT

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      1. Yes, sadly with these kinds of things one can never be too careful. If you get distracted you may find yourself right back where you started! Really smart to take some time off to regroup and all.
        Good luck!

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Margaret – the ending is somewhat ‘fictionalised’ in the sense I didn’t make this decision to do something about the depression in a single moment, rather this was a decision made progressively, and with support.

      I’m glad you liked it.
      KT

      Liked by 1 person

  5. A hugely powerful take on the prompt. Thank you. That feeling of a mood descending (but trying to keep knowing in the end you will come through) it is a familiar one.
    (PS What a lovely family – surprised you have time to write anything!)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Cheers MJL, thanks for reading.

      And thanks, I think my family is lovely too – as for having time to write… well that’s why I like these 100 word stories 🙂
      KT

      Like

  6. a few of my close friends suffered from depression and still do. I’ve also suffered from the occasional bout myself, but never to the extent you mention; still I can relate to this story and the actions described. I missed your story last week, so shall go have a read I thinks!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Depression is awfully common – I had it bad enough to compromise my career (not enough to destroy it thankfully), but not bad enough to cause serious self harm (beyond the harm caused by over drinking). Still, some grey days were harder to get through than others.
      KT

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I believe that many creative people also tend to experience some tough emotional stuff. We’re in good company: Van Gogh, Hemmingway, Cobain… but, yes, we came out in a much better place. How could you not feel positive, with those 3 beautiful faces each day! 😉 Cheers for us!

        Liked by 1 person

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