The mood ambushed me, a grey blanket of oppression. They were like that, these sneaky moods, lurking, waiting for me to forget myself. Then fog descends, sapping joy, muting sounds, washing out colours. The fog’s just the beginning, a prelude to real darkness. Video games and a couple of beers, (Nine? Ten?), keeping the darkness back. For a while. I rubbed aching eyes, my inattention causing another on-screen death, video game sprite screaming, dragged to grisly doom. YOU HAVE DIED, the game declares. Dozens of aluminium cans taunt me. I drop the beer in my hand. Not yet, I decide.
Fog The fog comes on little cat feet. It sits looking over harbor and city on silent haunches and then moves on. By Carl Sandburg 1878–1967
A bit of a bleak one this week, and (unfortunately) another bit of personal history too. I struggled with a bought of depression back in the early 2000’s – not a fun time; anxiety, insomnia, imposter syndrome, general sadness. No-one really knew because I lived on my own and was pretty good at faking a sunny disposition. But at home alone I was a miserable sod who couldn’t sleep. Before I sought medical advice I spent a period of time ‘self medicating’ – meaning drinking too much beer, and far too often. This was often coupled with playing the PlayStation, because I guess you need to do something when you are drinking. Anyway, the fog in this picture sort of reminded me of this time, as unpleasant as it was. FYI – I don’t think I had any profound moment attached to the video games such as described, but I thought it was a good ending anyway. 🙂 This of course was a long time ago – more than a decade – and I sought advice, medication, and (most importantly for me) control over those aspects of my life I felt were outside of control. These days I’m happier than I’ve ever been, and its mostly thanks to these three.
I seem to be sharing an awful lot at the moment! Just one more thing, I promise. A quick thank you to my followers in general, and specifically the Friday Fictioneers who both read last week’s post, and responded with such lovely thoughts and messages. It was greatly appreciated. I’m glad to confirm that I am back on board with my usual blogging schedule, and will make the effort to read many more of your stories this week! Cheers & thanks KT