Lolthario82: hey grrrl a/s/l?
DAGON: WHAT LANGUAGE IS THIS?
Lolthario82: lol u new? age/sex/location?
DAGON: AGELESS IMMORTAL UNDYING. ALL GENDERS AND NONE MOTHER AND FATHER OF CHAOS. I EXIST OUTSIDE OF YOUR FOUR DIMENSIONS AND WITHIN EACH TORMENTED SOUL.
Lolthario82: lol. y no profile pic?
DAGON: MY IMAGE IS GRAVEN ON LUNACY-SOAKED STONES WORSHIPPED BY PAGAN BLOOD-CULTS.
Lolthario82: Mystery grl lol. So…dtf?
Lolthario82: are you Down To F**K?
DAGON: I AM DOWN FURTHER THAN YOU CAN IMAGINE.
Lolthario82: sweet – ur place or mine?
DAGON: YOU MUST COME TO ME. I AM CONFINED BY ETERNAL CURSES OF THE ELDER.
Lolthario82: lol, my parents are mad strict too.
Lolthario82: c u soon.
100 words (if you don’t include the repeated usernames)
Genre: Urban Cthuhlu Mythos Humour
Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn!
Sorry, just channelling some Elder Gods for this week’s Friday Fictioneers – the idea of Dagon trying out online dating amused me. Now I think of it, my previous Dagon related story involved a spam email, so wherever he is, I figure he has great wifi reception.
The previous story I refer to was a challenge for the TerribleMinds Blog titled: The Phisher King.
To some extent this was also influenced by this Cracked article: 4 things I learned from the worst dating profile ever, where the author discovered that there was no amount of unpleasantness or insanity that would stop some guys from messaging her on OKCupid.
Let me know what you think in the comments.