Every morning she sweeps the steps, clearing the ash settled overnight. Carefully. Completely. No ash rests on her doorstep. No guilt.
“This place is far better without those people!” they exclaim. She nods along, but outside her door she shakes her jacket, dusts her skirt. No ash coats her floor.
“The property prices are going up,” they say. She says it too, but every evening she shutters her windows. No ash dusts her curtains.
“It’s…just the soldier’s campfires, that’s all…” they mutter. But she wonders…and every night she washes her hair.
No ash on her pillow.
No guilt.
Genre: Realistic Historical Fiction
Word Count: 100 words
I’m…I’m aiming for something specific here, so I’m not going to talk about my thought process at all – I want to see if I actually hit the target. Keen to get critical review of this, so if it’s weak in any areas, or you think it misses something, feel free to leave a comment.
…
Oh yeah, I guess this means I’m back! Whew. I think I really needed a break from blogging, from creating for a while. I didn’t write a thing there for a while, but the recent book reviews have sparked a bit of the writing bug again, so I hope this means I’m ready to get back into it. Let’s see 🙂
Thanks to Rochelle for hosting as always, and thanks to Amy for the photo! I’m going to try and hit as many other stories as I can – I suggest you do too.
Cheers
KT
Uncertain Tales 
Sounds to me like genocide on a grand scale, and the evidence neatly disposed of. But not the guilt or regret. Nicely done KT.
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Thanks Sandra 🙂
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Dear KT,
Given the genre I’d say she lives near a concentration camp. Sounds like “don’t ask, don’t tell.” Well done.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Spot on. Thanks 🙂
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After reading it through a few times I’d be inclined to go with Rochelle’s interpretation. It’s quite a clever write, though the property price bit did throw me as I couldn’t see how it linked in besides being mundane conversation. In some ways that works quite well though.
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Thanks Carol – I’m glad people were able to see where I was going. Cheers
KT
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Reading through previous comments… I agree. I got the genocide/holocaust and thought the “no ash” repetition worked very well, but the bit about property prices didn’t seem to fit.
Other than that, a well-done, powerful piece.
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Sounds to me like they’re wiping out a whole set of people of some ethic background perhaps. I like the repetition of “no ash” throughout, and her attempts to shut out what she suspects is happening.
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OMG. I never write in letters like that….hate them. But, OMG. I’m not reading anyone else’s replies here because I don’t want to be influenced by them. I think, in many ways, one sign of good writing is the leap the words cause a reader to take…and leap I did. She is located somehow, near Hitler’s ovens. The ash that she cannot stand in her house, on her apron, on her hair, is the ash of humans and the clinging of the guilt to her — for simply standing by? For simply living through and ignoring….
Whether or not you meant this, it is where I went. Which means for me, for this reader, this was a powerful piece and in 100 words, you’ve described the horror, the plight, and the guilt.
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Well done. I got the bit about property rising – chit chat about how things improve once “those people” are out of the way. Shorter lines at the market, easier traffic – it could be any number of things, couldn’t it? Again, well done.
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Whew – thanks, that is *exactly* what I going for. The casual chatter that bigoted people use to justify their support moving the unwanted…away (evicted, prison, camps). Awesome.
KT
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This was powerful. Took me a second to get it, but once I did…WOW! Artfully done, KT. Very impressive.
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Thanks mate, appreciate that 🙂
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I got concentration camp too. I think the property price part is about getting rid of “them” but the confusion could be because the tense makes it unclear whether the speaker means the property price was going up (before we started getting rid of them – and soon hopefully it will stop) or will be going up (as a result of what they are doing). Maybe making it past tense might help clarify? At the same time, I like the present tense – this is happening right now – feeling you evoke but that’s pretty effective in the rest of the prose (she *says*, etc.) Just a thought. Well done in a compact form.
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Thanks – the tense is a good point, I’ll have a think about that one. Thanks for the comment!
KT
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Good one. There was no need for any explanation on what the ash was. The obsessive cleaning shows the psyche. Very well written.
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I immediately got the sense of a concentration camp. How many people turned a blind eye? Then again what could one persor, two people three a hundred people have done. A dark time in history.
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I think I was influenced a lot by a book I read last year: ‘Maus’. I’d recommend it to anyone.
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P.S. love the title, too
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Thanks:)
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I’m commenting before reading the other comments. This is chilling, very well crafted, and I think I know exactly what you’re writing about. If you don’t want to see anything, you don’t have to know anything. “We didn’t exactly know what they did to these Jews” is a phrase I’ve heard from old people in my country far too often.
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You are spot on. It’s about the justification of the persecution & the attempt at denial of the horror. Her obsession with getting rid of the ash shows she really knows what’s going on though.
Thanks so much for your comment.
KT
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I understood exactly where she was and the origin of the ash. This is one of the best stories I’ve read, Subtle, yet the words and imagery hit you over the head. Excellent!
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Thanks Sheila 🙂
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Wow. Subtle and chilling. Perfect Holocaust lit.
Great story. Come see mine here.
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This is very effective and its intention clear. Well done.
The ‘property prices’ bit could come before ‘the far better without those people’ – so it builds from the mundane to what is really happening. Just a suggestion!
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Not a bad suggestion, thanks 🙂
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Really liked this piece – nicely done!
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