The Phisher King

photo credit: Mr. Greenjeans via photopin cc

Re: Transfer of US $4,333,251.23 in Gold (Sumerian Statuettes) to you

Dear Respected Friend

Your online profile indicates you are a trustworthy and respected individual, and your address indicates you live in a coastal area. Permit me to initiate a relationship with you that will benefit you both financially and personally. This transaction is sincere, and our need is desperate.

I am called Bapak Ondbekend. I was a high Hafh’drn on my home island in the South Pacific, serving to the glory of our King, Who-Is-In-Exile, before our island was displaced by a volcanic tsunami. The destruction was total, our island itself sank beneath tenebrous waves in moments.

We are fisher-people, and have been skilled at ocean survival from time immemorial, so we suffered no casualties… but we suffered the greatest wound of all, we lost our splendorous King, Who-Is-In-Exile. As we searched the devastation, our women set up a mournful ululation, “Vulgtlagln grah’n! Gnaiih wgah’n syha’h!” or “Pray to the lost ones! Father, you reside in eternity!”. Our needs drove us away from our homes, now submerged under the Stygian depths. We gathered what wealth we could, leaving to trade our way to safety.

After long trials and travels, seeking refuge but subjected to racism and bigotry, we purchased our sanctuary in a poverty stricken village in the Sunda Islands. Here we have carved out a home, we have inter-bred, and integrated. Our village prospers, our wealth grows, our techniques for delving the unknown deeps are matchless. Others, who hated us for our differences, our appearances, have ceased to be a threat.

We exist, but absent the magnificence of our King, Who-Is-In-Exile, we are shades, spectral, devoid of purpose.

Imagine our joy when word came! Our King, Who-Returns! And with his coming our home will rise.

But our King, Who-Returns needs strength, and we are depleted. I would like to engage you as agent for us in your country. I am transferring gold statues and idols worth US $4,333,251.23 to you, on the next new moon. These will be delivered at the beach, by twelve of our most beautiful women. You may take the gold and have any of the women you desire; we demand only that the women maintain their modesty veils, as their faces may not be seen by men not of our religion.

For this price, we ask that you hire boats and crews for a voyage. Be generous with the gold to this crew, we have more, much more. We have wives for these captains and crew too, should they wish it. My people only wish for safe transport to the location of our sunken isle. It is here that we will meet our King, Who-Returns, and our home, R’lyeh will rise again.

I look forward to discussing these matters with you at the next new moon and I leave you with a blessing in my native language.

H’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn!

Yours in the name of the King, Who-Returns,

Bapak Ondbekend.

---

(499 words)

Ok, this one is a bit unusual, but its a challenge from Chuck Wendig over at TerribleMinds. The challenge this week was:

So, what I want to see from you is:

A horror story framed as a spam email.

Right?

Take that assignment, run with it as you see fit.

How scary can you make a spam mail? That’s the challenge.

I’d keep it to the shorter side — 500 words or so.

In this one, for those who didn’t pick it, I have made extensive references to HP Lovecraft’s short stories, particularly Dagon and Shadow over Innsmouth (links are to the Project Guttenberg Australia, a source for books that reside in the public domain). Another source I used was this link to R’lyehian, a translation page for the made up Cthulhu language to English.

In short its a play on both the rising of Cthulhu, or possibly Dagon (as Dagon was the fish god – ergo the ‘phish’ gag), written in the style of a ‘Nigerian Prince 419 scam email’ who has ‘a windfall amount to give away, if you could just help out a bit’.

The spam email format made this a tough one – let me know what you think in the comments.

Visit the page to read the other entries too!

Cheers

KT