Lolthario82: hey grrrl a/s/l?
DAGON: WHAT LANGUAGE IS THIS?
Lolthario82: lol u new? age/sex/location?
DAGON: AGELESS IMMORTAL UNDYING. ALL GENDERS AND NONE MOTHER AND FATHER OF CHAOS. I EXIST OUTSIDE OF YOUR FOUR DIMENSIONS AND WITHIN EACH TORMENTED SOUL.
Lolthario82: lol. y no profile pic?
DAGON: MY IMAGE IS GRAVEN ON LUNACY-SOAKED STONES WORSHIPPED BY PAGAN BLOOD-CULTS.
Lolthario82: Mystery grl lol. So…dtf?
DAGON: EXPLAIN.
Lolthario82: are you Down To F**K?
DAGON: I AM DOWN FURTHER THAN YOU CAN IMAGINE.
Lolthario82: sweet – ur place or mine?
DAGON: YOU MUST COME TO ME. I AM CONFINED BY ETERNAL CURSES OF THE ELDER.
Lolthario82: lol, my parents are mad strict too.
Lolthario82: c u soon.
DAGON:
DAGON: YES.
DAGON:
DAGON: SOON.
100 words (if you don’t include the repeated usernames)
Genre: Urban Cthuhlu Mythos Humour
Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn!
Sorry, just channelling some Elder Gods for this week’s Friday Fictioneers – the idea of Dagon trying out online dating amused me. Now I think of it, my previous Dagon related story involved a spam email, so wherever he is, I figure he has great wifi reception.
The previous story I refer to was a challenge for the TerribleMinds Blog titled: The Phisher King.
To some extent this was also influenced by this Cracked article: 4 things I learned from the worst dating profile ever, where the author discovered that there was no amount of unpleasantness or insanity that would stop some guys from messaging her on OKCupid.
…
Anyway, another round of thanks to Rochelle for hosting, and to Marie for the photo. The other stories can be found here.
Let me know what you think in the comments.
Cheers
KT
Uncertain Tales 
That really made me laugh – a great start to my day 🙂
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Don’t know all the shorthand but i got the gist. Too funny.
Randy
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LOL…
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Ha, this is hilariously brilliant. Just my cup of tea 🙂
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Dear KT,
Wonderfully disturbing and darkly clever. Love it.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Omg I think this is my favorite ever.
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Should be an interesting first date. I imagine it will seem eternal.
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Eternal curse of the elders, cool. 🙂
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Oh that was hilarious! You had me at the title…
Now I’m going to be looking for excuses to say, ” I AM DOWN FURTHER THAN YOU CAN IMAGINE,” all week long.
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Really enjoyed this, 🙂
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Ha! very funny. On-line dating within ones own species would be a challenge, but this raises the bar.
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Awesomely original! My day needed a pick-me-up, and this was it. Thanks, man
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This was so creepy funny 🙂 Loved Dagon’s answers. Just curious, do guys really ask ‘dtf’ on the 3rd question?
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Haha! I’ve never online dated personally – but my understanding (from talking to friends who have) – some guys try that straight off the bat.
Not saying it works, but apparently dudes still try it.
Cheers
KT
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Laughed out loud.
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Brilliant!
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Hilarious 😉 Defeating Ctholo with Internet grammar…
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I love this for so many reasons. If I could stop laughing, maybe I could write something clever…
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Outstanding! Brilliantly creative.
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That is possibly the funniest thing I’ve read all week! Thanks for a wildly imaginative and hilarious start to my … well … afternoon!
(Still snorting with laughter!)
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Hi! I saw that you are one of my followers (my old blog was V-Hypnagogic Logic, or vijayasundaram.com.
I just wanted to let you know that my new blog is: http://magicsurrealist2013.me/
It’s where I’ve been posting all my new stuff. I’m not publishing to the old one, which I’ve made private.
Thanks!
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Highly creative wonderful playful stuff! Could take this character far…
My daughter is a fan of the late Iain Banks and she’s got me trying his Sci Fi stuff (Iain M Banks) for the first time – just read (well sort of) a chapter in a similar vein to yours – only not as funny!
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Ha, thanks 🙂
I’ve only read one Iain Banks and I didn’t love it… (my review: https://uncertaintales.wordpress.com/2015/03/10/book-reviews-throne-of-the-crescent-moon-transition/). I’ve heard such good things about his stuff though, so I suspect I might have picked up the wrong book 🙂
Cheers
KT
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Would love to hear what happens when they meet up. I think Lolthario82 has bitten off far more than he can chew.
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That was wonderfully clever. I love it.
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